My review classes for the board exam will be starting next week and I am both sad and excited about it. Excited because I will finally have the chance to see the outside world and sad because I have to end this vacation mode I'm in now. So, I thought this blog thing is a nice way to end it. I do regret discovering this just now. But as they say, better late than never.

It was a very stressful vacation. Though not in the physical aspect, it was so tiring and the effects on my goal in achieving the perfect figure are just the same. In fairness it did nourish my soul, mind and heart. All the realizations and theories are sufficient enough to make me feel like I'm really ready to face the world. I am now more at guard and prepared to cope with the challenges life has to offer. You may be wondering why I wasted my vacation on harassing myself on thinking of these things. And that I should have rested my mind and enjoyed myself. As much as I would like to, given the limited resources and circumstances I am or was in, I had to settle with what I have and prioritise on the more essential elements of life.

Considering the mood of my writing at this moment I'm sure you've guessed the drama I'm in. Yes, I have a broken heart. A sad, lonely, desperate, wretched and the other entire adjectives related to these words that you can think of. It was depressing but fulfilling. Heartbreaking but thrilling. You might be thinking what person in his right mind would allow herself to be trapped in a situation like this. No one. So I've exerted all the efforts I can make use of in pulling myself away from all of these. With the help of people around me especially those who are in the same dilemma as I am, and a lot of thinking I came up with theories and realizations I would like to share in this blog.

One of the more important learning I acquired in this experience is our knack for plunging in and taking chances in life. Life and love is all about taking chances. In our greatest efforts to struggle against the uncertainty of things still we cannot detach ourselves from the inherent capacity of life to amaze us in our most unguarded moments. As a friend of mine have put it, this validates our human nature. That there are things in life we have no control of and sometimes we just have to experience them head-on and learn from them. I agree with her. In this rests the beauty of life and the uniqueness of our existence. And why do we subject ourselves to all of these? Because we love the feeling of being in love, that feeling mesmerizes us. Inspite of the uncertainties it brings we still allow ourselves to experience it. The consequences would not surmount the sensation we felt while going through it. Based from my experience aside from occasional moments of guilt and self-pity I still have no regrets. I'm glad I went through it and given another chance in life I would still want it to happen. Until now I can still clearly remember those moments of bliss in each others arms. I miss those times. Even though it had to end due to circumstances brought about by elements beyond my control I don't feel any kind of bitterness in my heart. I'm not carrying any grudge. I'm not mad at him at all. Which I guess makes it harder for me to let go.

Letting go, nobody said it would be easy. I know for a fact that it is not easy. It may be one of the parts of falling in love that I guess all of us would rather skip. It is a journey, a process that it is unique for each person and case. What helped me as I went through this are my past encounters with this event. I realized that inspite of my ability to attract failed and unworkable relationships I still manage to dust myself up and overcome each victoriously. So there is no reason for me to give up now. It should be easier for me to deal with it now that I have learned that it is something I can eventually get over with. But as I've said it is unique for each person and circumstance. And this is harder than I thought.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. I just read this from an e-mail sent by a friend. And I think it is also one of the things I learned in this experience. The world continues to revolve and he continues living his life without you. Sad but true. But we also must realize that we are also capable of living our life without him. Tomorrow is another day. Another chance, another opportunity to experience life. There is a future waiting to be discovered.

It takes time to heal. But in the process another great learning was revealed to me. I am blessed. Blessed with people who listen and understand.

Why do I have to experience these?
Why is it that it didn't work out?
Was it my fault?
Am I not good enough?
Will I ever find the ONE?

These are only few of the countless questions left unanswered in my mind. But I trust God in His entire splendor and might will reveal the answers to me in His time. He will not fail me. He will not give me something I cannot handle. And I know that inspite of the fleeting love of people around me, God's love will carry me through.